So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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