I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
