News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
