just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
