are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
