super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
