Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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