Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
