i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
