I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just pynch a tree in the face
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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