Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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