I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
