Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
