so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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