If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
