Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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