how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
