At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
