I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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