1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
