Cold hands, warm shart.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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