batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
