I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
