so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
