my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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