All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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