remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Please don't give away my fajitas
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
