then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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