So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think my moral compass just broke
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
