nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
