Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
