My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
