I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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