Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
