just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
