Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
