And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
