i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
