Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
