Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
