Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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