Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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