I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
