I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
