either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
