i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
