the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
