I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
well you can't waste a boner
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
