marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
