the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
