perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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