Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
