Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
