she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
