And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
