YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i drank out of a bidet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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